I guess deep in the back of my mind, I’ve always sustained a certain amount of trust in the good of man. I believed that everything would eventually be ok. Hell, I even isolated myself from the world by skipping on the news and the harsh realities of the world. Just stay the course and everything has to work out in the end. Faith, defined as a complete trust or believe in someone or something. Blind faith means to have believe without true understanding, perception or discrimination. I guess I was somewhere in the middle. I thought the world, or at least my community could eventually work itself out. I write this as a man whose faith has been shattered and replaced with fear.
I, like many young black people in today’s America believed in evolution. The racist evil people would eventually die off. They were raised in a different time and some can’t evolve so they’re stuck in their ways. They die only to be replaced by a forward thinking younger generation capable of looking at my people like equals. It has to happen because it will happen. That’s where that blind faith comes in at. Well I now write this as a father, I am shaken to the core with fear of the future.
I am a black man in the deep south, you don’t have to tell me about racism I live in it. I always thought if I do my part and be a positive representation of men of color, eventually things are bound to work out. Faith, sometimes that’s all we have. And that faith is falling, quickly.
Have you ever looked into the eyes of a man that lacks hope? It is one of the darkest most desolate sights you will ever see. The darkness of not having a belief that things will be ok in the future. When people lose hope, things change in their attitude and actions. And I, as a black man can say I’m losing hope for what is about to happen. Our children are being gunned down in the street by people who took an oath to protect us, and they’re not only not being placed in jail they are still being paid for their actions.
There is only so much anybody can take. Only so many deep breaths and church hymns can be heard before desperation sets in and change is mandatory. The promise that “everything will be ok” only holds weight for so long. Eventually, an uprising is going to happen on a national scale, and that frightens me. I don’t know what the action will be, or who will participate in it, I just know it’s coming. My hope has been tied to this understanding of redemption long enough, and i have felt the fire of disappointment for far too long. I consider myself a thinker and a man of sound mind. I don’t know how much more I can take.
Do people really not change? If people don’t change then what is the point of growth and maturity if we revert back to who we were before?
I don’t know when I’ll reach my breaking point or what will happen when I do, I just know that faith I once had is hanging on by a very thin rope.